#15 - People Who Do Not Take No for an Answer

What is it that goes through a person's mind when they ask you for something, and your answer is no.
1) Gee, maybe she didn't really understand what I just asked.
2) Oh, her ears must be clogged today, so I better ask again.
3) Maybe I should speak in another language so she understands my request.
4) I know I can wear her down if I ask the same thing over and over again.
5) If I act pitifully enough, she will feel sorry for me and give in to my request.
I certainly can understand a child doing this, as they are not fully mature human beings, and they will try anything to get what they want.  Ah, there-in lies the problem, I think.  Many adults are not fully mature human beings and cannot accept what I say "NO", I really mean it!

                                                                    

#14 - Terrible Traffic Tuesday - REALLY????

I realize that today marks the first day back to school for many jurisdictions (there are some in our area that went back two weeks ago), and the first day Congress is back in session after summer recess, and the first day many people are back from vacations, but c'mon now - THE WORST TRAFFIC DAY OF THE YEAR????? So says AAA and ABC news this morning.  Hmmm, what would the day before Thanksgiving be considered??  Or the Sunday after Thanksgiving, when the Northeast I-95 corridor is a virtual parking lot! I find it irritating when the superlative form of an adjective is used so freely.  A few examples:

1) Today is the hottest day ever!

2) This is the coldest winter we have ever had! (anybody ever see Ice Age???)

3) Teenagers' behavior is the worst it has ever been. (anybody ever see Rebel Without a Cause???)

4) Today only - our lowest prices of the year! (why not the decade or better yet, the century!!!)

And of course, today's gem ~ today is Terrible Traffic Tuesday - THE WORST TRAFFIC DAY OF THE YEAR!!!!!

                                                         

#13 - Last Minute Louies' Lame Excuses

It never ceases to amaze me how many procrastinators there are in this world.  And how lame some people's excuses are when it comes to their procrastinative tendencies (for those who challenge my vocabulary choices, and you know who you are: http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/procrastinative).  Every year for the past 22 out of 23 years that I have worked at my church, our registration process for religious education classes brings out some of the most creative and far-fetched excuses for having missed registration on a particular Saturday in September. "Hi, I'm calling to see when you are having RE registration (2 days after we had it). Oh, it was this past Saturday; my family was out of town and we didn't see it in the bulletin (ma'am, it's been in the church bulletin every week, ad nauseam, since May); oh, we've been away (you are very lucky to be able to go away for 4 months; what did you do about your kids' school work?); oh, uh, uh, I mean we were away last weekend and didn't see it in the bulletin and really, it's just another way of saying I'm full of s-*-*-t. I just don't want to tell you we haven't been in church in months!" So, it was really irksome this year when we had registration on 4 EVENINGS - May, June, July & August @ 7:00pm to accomodate parents-who-work schedules, and there were still the last minute louies who called when they saw the "last day to register your child" notice in the bulletin -"I missed registration last night, are you having another one?" Yes, we had 3 others-May, June & July!!!

But the absolute best question this year was in response to my telling a parent that they can not register their child in a 2nd grade RE class unless they attended a 1st grade class (either at our church, another church or were in Catholic school).  And the mom said, "can she test out of 1st grade?" Boy, have we become a society of achievers - "Lord, I didn't have enough time to spend with you, so I just took a test and passed, and skipped that year!!!" Jeez!

                                              

#12 - People Who Sit Inappropriately

There is a saying in my family that has been in practice since I was in kindergarten .  If a female member of the fam is wearing a skirt or dress and is sitting with their legs apart, so someone can see what color their underwear is, we simply say the name "Pamela". This began with a kindergarten play at my grammar school, and one of my classmates named Pamela was sitting center stage in front of an auditorium full of parents and grandparents.  Now it just so happened, that Pamela must never have been taught at the ripe old age of 5, to sit with her legs closed.  So, there is Pamela (I even still remember her last name which is being withheld to protect her identity!), sitting with her legs spread so far apart that not only could everyone in the audience see her underwear, including my father, but people on the west coast would have been able to see it! And my Irish Catholic father, being the great story teller that he was, told the story afterwards with great humor.  From then on, anyone sitting in an inappropriate fashion was dubbed "Pamela".  So, even though I can laugh at the Pamela story, I find it slightly gross when I see someone sitting with their legs in a gigantic V - male or female!

                                                        

#11 - The Grammar Nazi

I grew up in NYC going to Catholic schools and two of the things that stayed with me from that experience are my handwriting and my anality when it comes to proper grammar.  I started out writing left-handed, but back in the late 50s and early 60s, that was a no no with the nuns and my father, who thought it was evil and something from Satan! So, eventually, after much hand-cramping from being forced to write with my right hand, I became predominantly a rightie, with some left-handed tendencies. (I write and eat rightie, play ball & frisby-any underhand throwing motion-leftie). Then there were the lessons in grammar - the spoken and the written, which have totally stayed with me to this day. Things like:

1) When we are speaking in the past tense using have, has or had, we DO NOT USE the simple past tense of the verb, we use the present perfect tense which is has, have or had + the past particple. I.E. I went to the store (simple past).  I have gone to the store already (present perfect).  We do not say - I have WENT to the store already.

2) If you can answer how, where, why or when after a verb, it is modified by an adverb not an adjective (adjectives answer who or what after a verb). We do not say - I do not feel good today. We should say - I do not feel well today.

3) And then there are the really odd rules that do not necessarily sound right when you say them. I.E. Someone calls on the phone asking for you at work and you answer, "this is HER", when the correct way to answer is, "this is she".  "Is" is a non-continuos, abstract verb, that is followed by a complement, a noun or an adjective, in the nominative not objective form - she being nominative, her being objective.

Now if this sounds too odd for you to say, then please, just say "speaking" so as not to sound like finger nails on a chalkboard to those who may overhear you and the person on the other end of the phone!!!!

                                             

                                                         

#10 - Spoiled Children

I'm watching HGTV's House Hunters International the other day, which in and of itself, cracks me up, as I really don't get people looking for vacation homes thousands of miles from their home, that they will visit maybe twice a year.  Yes, I do realize the rental income potential, but the thought of worrying about another house in addition to the one we spend all of our time in, is overwhelming to me!  But this particular one on HGTV was especially humorous.  This couple was from Texas and were looking for a home in Belize, I believe (can't remember the exact country as I was laughing so much).  They brought their two adult children with them (somewhere in their mid twenties) for their input, as they would be vacationing with their parents, too.  OK, so the concept of a family vacation is nice, but if I am the one funding the whole project, no input from freeloaders would be required.  Not only did the 20 something daughter have a lot to say about the size of HER room over her brother's, but she actually didn't like one of the houses because the pool wasn't big enough for her to do laps, which she USED TO DO in high school!!!!!  Forget the fact that many people will never have a house of their own, let alone a vacation house, let alone a POOL, and a LAP POOL at that!!!!

                                                                

#9- White Trash Neighbor's Cars

I don't know about yours, but in our family here's how it works: 1 person=1 car.  That means we each have A car to drive us around, unlike neighbors who have more vehicles than they have drivers and need to park those vehicles all over their property, which leaves no room for anyone visiting them to park (who, by the way, always seem to come in more cars than they need to, also!).  Can you see where this is leading? Yes, right smack in front of our house, which then leaves no room for anyone visiting us to park!!!! And to add insult to injury, the cars are not even nice cars - they are crap and look like they belong in a junk yard!