Tuesday, September 27, 2011

#30 - Ft. Knox

Growing up in NYC as I did, makes me very in tune to taking secure measures like locking your car and your front door.  When I am home and the weather is nice and I have my front door open to let in fresh air, the screen/storm door is locked.  I even lock the screen/storm door when I lock the inside door in the event one of those poor kids who just want to go to summer camp come with their plastic bin filled with God knows what for sale, and have been trained that ringing a doorbell is not enough, you need to open the screen door and proceed to bang on the inside door to get the homeowner's attention.  So, at least I have the protection of a screen door in between me and whoever is ringing my doorbell. After all, those Mormon missionaries can look a bit menacing, even in those nice shirts and ties.  But being security conscious can get a bit ridiculous in the work place when you happen to work for a church.  Don't get me wrong.  I realize a church can be a magnet for some very mentally ill people who are seeking help; like the guy (armed with a food storage bag filled with medications) who took a taxi from St. Elizabeth's Hospital in DC many years ago, just to see our crying statue of Mary.  It turned out he was schizophrenic.  We have been talking about having our front doors to the offices locked for years, to no avail.  Then last year we moved into new office space in the basement of the church, and now that we are all together (parish offices and RE offices), NOW we have locked doors!  Not the main doors, but the doors that lead into the offices from the hall.  OK, so that is not so terribly bad, because if one of us is there alone after hours, we are assured of being in a locked safe environment.  I'm talking about during NORMAL BUSINESS HOURS - 9-4.  You go through the door to go to the bathroom (my bathroom breaks are pretty quick, mind you, I'm not going to take a leisurely bath or shower!), and by the time you come back, someone has locked the door, because you, in your negligence, committed a security violation by leaving the door unlocked!! I'm not sure if this sudden interest in the safety of the staff is a result from death threats toward the pastor and associate pastor, or now that their offices (both priests) are located in the same space as ours (RE staff), they think people are coming after us in RE, and they may inadvertently get caught in the line of fire. What I do know is the following:
1. I do not work on a classified project (anyone can know what I know about God).
2. I am not guarding valuables (with the exception of Jesus in the tabernacle and that is not located behind our locked doors).
3. If people really want to get through the securely locked doors, all they have to do is stick their arm through the doctor's office sliding glass window, and reach around and unlock the door.
4. If someone really wants to get to me, they can sit in their parked car in our non secure parking lot, and just wait for me to come out at 9pm at night and run me over and no one would ever know who did it!

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